In early August (2010) we found out that I have elevated FSH levels, this basically means that I have the reproductive age of a 43 year old, or in even shorter terms, I have old eggs. There’s no explanation for why some people get this condition, it just happens and in my age group it’s pretty rare. Luckily for us, I found this out pretty early on, meaning we didn’t spend years trying to figure out what was wrong without any answers. A simple blood test confirmed my FSH levels, so we avoided a lot of the heart ache associated with wanting a baby and not being able to have one. In that regard we feel very blessed. My doctor pretty much said there was nothing they (Kaiser) could do, insurance in California does not cover infertility treatments for people who have a 14 or above in FSH levels. We were told in vitro was the only option for us. So we prayed and did some research to figure out whether we wanted to move forward with it. For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to adopt, so I thought maybe the reason this was happening to us was because I was meant to adopt. I feel like I’ve been given the ability to genuinely love other people’s children without a problem despite how crazy they might be. I remember discussing with Ben the reasons why I thought this was happening to us and he said something along the lines of...“why not us, is about time we have to deal with something difficult". That has been Ben’s attitude throughout. So it wasn't some big deal, we knew in the end we would expand our family one way or another. It is so nice to have a constant positive, calm, and rational partner putting things into perspective. I can’t say enough nice things about Ben, he has been the most incredible source of encouragement and laughter (I’ll explain later) throughout this ordeal. So after considering our options, including adoption of course, we decided to start an IVF cycle at HRC fertility with Dr. Jane Frederick. I was told to gain 5 pounds and I was put on the most aggressive treatment option considering my diagnosis but at most if everything went perfectly I would get 10 eggs harvested. I got 11! Out of these, 9 were viable eggs. We decided to go all out in order to maximize our chances so we also did a procedure called ICSI where they pick just one sperm and inject the egg with it. The whole process is pretty incredible. Again we were very lucky and out of the 9 eggs got 7 living embryos. Our doctor was amazed at how well my body responded to the medication and how many of our eggs fertilized (because remember my issue has to do with egg quality). We also did something called "assisted hatching" in order to increase the chances of the embryos implanting.
I was told that IVF was going to be like riding an emotional rollercoaster, and I was determined not to let it affect me. Throughout this process I was detached, and unemotional, I didn’t want to get excited. I wasn’t pessimistic either, I was simply going through the motions. Also, surprisingly the hormones in the medication didn’t give me any emotional side effects, I was my normal self. We had gone to the temple and felt pretty at peace with things, plus I was doing a lot of yoga and acupuncture; I think that helped a lot. My “egg retrieval” was on a Friday (10/1), I was scheduled to have my “embryo transfer” the following Wednesday (10/6), after the embryos were 5 days old. During natural conception, the embryo is in the "cell stage" which takes place in the fallopian tube. On the fifth day (after conception) the embryo reaches the uterus and begins the blast stage. Therefore, transferring the embryos to the uterus on the fifth day, after they reach the blastocyst stage replicates the natural process more closely, and it increases the success rate so we were hoping for a 5th day transfer. Unfortunately on Monday morning (10/3) we got a call from Dr. Frederick telling us we had to come in. At this point 4 of our embryos had stopped growing, all we had left was a 6, 7, and 8 cell embryos all graded C or below (meaning not good). At this time the doctor showed us the pictures of our not-so-great embryos (they were all dying), regardless of the news, Ben was in his element cracking jokes and naming the embryos, he said "look honey, the first picture of our babies", as he held the picture of the embryos. It was pretty funny. Ben has a gift of making a tense situation bearable, it really helped me relax for the transfer. I had two embryos put in, the doctor decided not to put the 6 cell embryo in, it was monitored in the lab and later discarded because it stopped developing. At this point we both felt like it was over due to the poor embryo quality, I was also cramping a lot and I was sure IVF hadn't work.
Following the transfer I was on bed rest for 4 days. My mom came over and stayed with us during those days, she made me all my favorite homemade soups, and we had a great time together. This woman is a saint. The following Monday (10/11), a week from the day the embryos were transferred, I started working full time. It was a nice distraction, my job kept me mentally occupied and I was very happy to finally be working in my field.
Just a few months after my diagnosis, Dr. Frederick called and said "girl, you are pregnant". I couldn't believe it, in fact I didn't.
We didn’t tell many people about IVF because our chances were only 50-50 (that was before we knew our embryos weren't very good), if it worked I wanted to wait as long as possible before sharing the news, if it didn't work I didn't want people to feel bad for us, we knew the outcome would be the right one for us regardless. The IVF process is very personal to me and I wasn’t ready to open up, I think Ben felt the same way. Now that is all set and done we figured it would be good to share our story because maybe we could be a resource to friends, or friends of friends who are thinking about doing IVF. There’s so much we wish we knew going into this….
We have grown so much through this experience, we are both very glad we went through it and luckly for us we'll get a little baby in the end. Although we remain cautiously optimistic. We'll believe it when we see him or her.
Ben giving me some shots, based on what we are wearing, this video was not made for public viewing but whatevs.
Our embryos, or in Ben's words "the first picture of our baby" at 3 days post conception. Not many kids can say they have that.
One of the nice things with IVF is that I had to go in every week until I was 10 weeks along for blood work and ultrasounds, so we got to see the week by week growth which in the early stages is pretty amazing, the machines used at the fertility clinic are crazy good. This video was of our first time hearing the heart beat at 7 weeks.
The belly is growing so fast all of the sudden and after putting my body through so much, I'm loving every minute of this. I'm probably the only pregnant girl who actually wants to be ginormous. Recently my boss said I looked like I swallowed a basketball, I'm still giddy about it.
(I was about 20 weeks along here, I need a recent photo because I've pretty much doubled in size)
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